It’s quite a remarkable feeling to feel so at ease with everything. I’ll tell you one thing; being as bipolar or emotionally unstable (whichever one it is) as I am (seemingly unlike most bipolar people I also hate being manic, not just depressed), these periods of peaceful existence, just don’t come around often enough, and when they do, the appreciation I have to having them once a while is indescribable.
My mother would correct me for saying so but generally, the Indian caste system can be divided into 5levels:
1. brahman (priest)
2. kshatriya (soldiers)
3. vaishya (merchants)
4. shudra (they do not include them selves in hindus) and
5. harijan (untouchables)
There are of course different levels within each, just like the economic standing people have in society. You’re not just under class, middle class or higher class. People can be more or less poor, more or less middle class, more or less higher class. In the same way people have different standing in the caste system, and the also within each “level”.
Anyway, I’ve figured out that I have three basic levels, or personalities (as I call them because I can barely remember how I felt during these various states if mind). When I mentioned this to my husband, his answer was “more!”, so I’m guessing it’s the various degrees within these “personalities”. For the past 1 1/2 weeks I’ve been completely stable. Not that I haven’t gotten sad, happy, or angry, but I haven’t been flying between feeling total sadness, or total anger, or total happiness. It’s a more “normal” level of reaction to various situations, and it’s not over the top when I do react.
So, there are 3 basic levels: manic, depressive, and peaceful. Right now I’m at peace. I have a kind of understanding to my surroundings, everything isn’t about what’s going on in my head, or how I feel, or what I want to do. It sounds so selfish now, but it makes sense to me then.
Anyway, right now I’m happy and at peace, so now is when hubby gets some love and appreciation for all the other stuff he has to deal with. I think these are the times that makes it worth it for him, even if I think he on some level likes that he gets three different personalities packed into one body. 😉
Met my psych. A couple of days ago and we both agree that I in fact most probably have borderline personality disorder (BPD), or also known as emotionally unstable disorder. But, because jumping between diagnoses is never a good idea, we’re first going to see this diagnosis of being bipolar through before moving on to the next, which means that we’ve upped the dosage.
Apparently, dialectic behaviour therapy is the way to go with BPD, and apparently there have been cases where people get completely cured of BPD thanks that form of therapy. If that is true I’m really hoping that that’s what I have even though I don’t really enjoy the thought of going through therapy.