All the possible letter combinations

So apparantly I’m manic again. Having followed through with my moods app, and based on my posts here I can see why my psychiatrist is getting unsure of my diagnosis as bipolar.

If I haven’t misunderstood it the cycles are at least a week long when bipolar, and that’s when it’s “rapid cycling”. When they change the way they do for me with only a couple of days in between, and sometimes even changing during the same day, it must be either add (attention deficit disorder) or bpd (borderline personality disorder), no? (Ah, all these wonderful little letter combinations).

On top of being extremely frustrated over what’s actually going on with me and my head when I thought that I at least knew what was “wrong” with me, my husbands just figured out that too much excitement (ie too many fun activities) makes me manic. Take yesterday for example, I had a good day just hanging out with my new friend and then in the evening we went to a free concert at the nearby park. Apparently that’s more excitement than my brain can handle. So I have to choose my joys, and spontaneous activities (like the concert yesterday was) when having already done something that day is apparently out of the question. It’s so frustrating I just want put up my arms and surrender. Never has the spoon theory been more accurate. I just never thought it was true with the highs as well.

Hubby’s amazing for seeing this situation as an “us” thing though. In his eyes this is something we will figure out together and something that we will learn how to live with, but it saddens me that he has to get affected by this almost as much as me when I’m the one with the messed up head.

Finally meeting my psychiatrist today though, so maybe I can ginally get some more answers… No idea how 45 min is going to be enough though.

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