The relationship with my head

If you’ve ever been heart broken, you know how it feels to be depressed, except in the case depression, it’s just there. It’s my own head that’s causing the heart break, not really giving me a chance to get some space, or get some temporary distractions with other brains.

Well… I guess I’m getting a temporary distraction when I get manic (if that is what it is), but that’s just like getting a passionate one night stand with that guy one’s had a crush on in forever, filled with false hopes, only to wake up alone the next day.

At least bad taste in men and bad relationships is a (admittedly difficult) habit that one can work on. How does one deal with this ever ending cycle when it’s not a bad habit, but ones hard wiring?

Crazy thing is I’d rather have a feeling of perpetual heart break rather than getting a night of passion filled with false hopes. I managed years of just being having some kind of lighter depression with bouts of heavier periods. At least it was constant. Living with no hope was better than this. Everything has to be better than this.

So tired and I guess it doesn’t help that I’ve messed up my sleeping habits and am super tired as a result of that as well.

I guess I’m doing what so many say after a heart break; “never again! I’d rather be single!”.


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