My project right now? To have a constant mood of something in between good and bad.

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4 thoughts on “

    1. As is the same with me, so I’ve decided to just not let myself get happy and instead be in a state of… existence. Never above “so-so” or “okay”. Basically, by not letting myself get too happy and by keeping a little bit of sadness within me always, I’m averaging myself out. May not sound very fun, but to be honest, much rather this state of existence, than the constant ups and downs, which I just can’t take anymore. I’m tired, and I want to keep myself that way, rather than breaking my own heart over and over again with disappointment. Funny thing is, it seems like this is how family prefers me. Makes sense I guess. For strangers it’s always fun with someone extravagant and “fun” with a big personality, but for the family; not so much, and for me the fall after is worse than any state of borderline depression I’m in right now (which is easier to hold on to, than to “just” be happy/content).

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