How do I know which moods, emotions and thoughts are valid and which are just my brain playing tricks on me? Usually when there are no real reasons for the mood I know it’s the moods, but what about when my brain finds and pinpoints actual things? Are they valid, or are they stuff my brain has made a bigger deal of than necessary? Which are true, and which are not? How can argue my case when I’m not even sure if it’s one of my moods? …cuz as long as i can point where the apparant problem is, all of it feels just the same to me, real issue/problem or not. So confusing.

Oh, and it seems like I have to stay away from chocolate now as well (because my stomach issues has apparently made me even more lactose intolerant than I was before). In a sense I guess that’s good since cows milk is apparently not as good for the human body as one has been brought up to think, and chocolate, alcohol and coffee are not good for the body either way (at least in copious amounts), but I’m also intolerant to all the healthy stuff that I love as well. So I’m stuck with the stuff in between. Maybe I should just start smoking again, neither bad for the stomach issues or for the depressions (unless I’m trying to quit). In fact here’s a fun fact: nicotine has shown to actually keep the ulcerous colit somewhat at bay. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have any stomach issues while in India, where I smoked almost every day. Too bad it makes training a little difficult instead.

And around and round it goes. Not just in matters of food, but the moods. I need interests to keep me from just passively sitting in front of the computer, but my moods ensure that nothing (that doesn’t crave responsibility where others get effected) are worth making an effort for because i can’t seem to focus on anything for long enough to actually become serious about a any of it.

It all truly feels very pointless at the moment. Yes, I’m whining. Let me. That’s what the blog is for, so that actual people don’t need to deal with it.

One good thing at least is that I actually got changed at work and ran home from work today (even if I gorged afterwards).


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