I’ve been extremely emotional these past few days. Emotional in the sense that everything puts tears in my eyes. Frustration of course, but mostly it’s happy tears. I’ve simply felt such joy and ‘at one’ with everything around me. It’s an unusual feeling.

I’m good friends with happy, sad, anger, frustration, mania, contentment… But joy in this sense is just an acquaintance, a friends friend whom I’ve never really had the chance to get to know. I also have no idea where it’s coming from, so I’m guessing it’s some new variant of my bipolarism.

It could of course also be the combination of vacation, and loving my new home and new life in this city. Who knows. Either way it’s a curious feeling. Even a good feeling, if it hadn’t been for it feeling like an over-the-top reaction/behaviour!


8 thoughts on “Joy!

  1. sometimes when i’m “up” i get a sense of joy and peace with the universe kind of thing, and it literally brings tears to my eyes. i think it’s definitely part of bipolar 🙂

    1. I guess there’s my answer. “Up” for me usually means manic (with shakes and all that regular stuff that comes along with it), so this is a much nicer up for sure! Thank you for sharing. 😊

      1. Up for me is being in a good mood, being more patient and productive and only slightly manic. I feel like my “manic” self is the real me and my depressed self is like a shadow of me

      2. Interesting. When I’m manic I just feel downright crazy, when I’m depressed I don’t have it in me to feel anything at all. The in between is the “normal”. I don’t know which is closest to being “me”. I describe it as separate personalities, whereof one can barely remember how the other one feels/felt, but since the in between is the only time I can actually understand both sides, I guess that’s the “real” me?

      3. I guess the fact is, all of it is the real ‘me’ i liken my depressive episodes to being a shell of myself, a shadow of who i really am, i get scared of everything and anxious and obsess about every negative detail of my life, when i’m up i’m super positive and hug the world kinda thing lol but then i always run the risk of going too far and getting manic, which is just a mess

      4. Hmm, I’ve read in multiple places that ppl with depression see the world for what it is. At least, more so than ppl who aren’t. I don’t know how much truth there is in that but in a way I do feel that my manias and my depressions both give a nuance to how I perceive the world. I hate both, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, but it has made me “wiser”. That is probably the reason for why I see all of it as a part of a whole, all equally important, and all of which there’s something to learn from.

        …but then again, this is the “content/at peace” me talking so who knows what I’ll say tomorrow. 🙂 Maybe whatever stage one’s in feels like the “real” one when experiencing it?

  2. Maybe for some, but I never feel ‘whole’ when I’m having a depressive episode, I lose my moxie and my opinions and just kind of shrink into obscurity. But you’re right, all these experiences are different from person to person, what’s real for one is not necessarily for another. I’m glad your content for now though 🙂

    1. Hmm, I think I explained it wrong. I meant that although I utterly hate it when I am depressed, I realise afterwards that it gives me perspective on things. But right know I’m in a completely stage in my moods, so I wouldn’t be able to explain what I meant with that. 😉

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