Yes I’m strange

I’m bored of the turn this blog has taken. It’s become an open diary rather than an honest reflection of what’s it’s like to be bipolar. I need to step back and figure out how to move forward before I write more. Maybe I should do something like my hubby; have specific subjects for specific days. Another idea is to have specific days for sitting down and doing a little writing on the book, which might in turn effect what I wrote here. Or maybe a mix of both.

Planning has for as long as I can remember been a very big part of my being in the past. As a kid I found summer vacations so boring that I would sit and plan how I was going to spend my days when school started again. It would become something like
7.00 wake up
7.15 shower
7.45 get dressed
8.00 breakfast

If there was one thing I loved about boarding school, it was the routines they’d set up for us. Maybe a reaction to my very free-thinking parents who never punished me and never made me do anything. They never just left me to fend for myself, always made sure I was going ok, and did their best to be there for me when I wanted to talk (I knew when to take my chances as well; when my mum was taking a bath, and when my dad was driving), but I had a lot of freedom, which ironically (hope I’m using that word right now), made me structure my days even more.

Growing my need for structure showed itself in lists. My husband would tease me and say I’d make lists about making lists. When I have too much freedom I make lists so I don’t get passive, and when I have a lot of things I find interesting going on, I schedule.

Probably a good quality to have as a bipolar person.

Since getting the job though, my lists and schedules are basically non-existent. I send myself an e-mail sometimes when I realise there’s something I really shouldn’t forget so each time I go through my personal inbox (about 2x/week) I get reminded.

But now, because there’s a lot of things I want to do again, it may be time I start making a list again so that I can schedule it all out.


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