It’s strange, looking back at my former posts, I can pick out the times when I, even if I thought I was being completely “normal”, was in fact being manic or depressed without realizing it… Makes me wonder if I can trust how I feel at all, considering that I’ve been feeling close to normal for a few weeks now?
Either way, it feels so surreal to read the posts from the past half year, with all it’s dips and highs. What’s most fascinating and a little sad is that with the mild version I have, I can only imagine what it’s like to be completely off the hinge. I remember feeling like the days I had were so overwhelmingly tough, I had come to the point where the constant back and forth of the mood swings (often in the same day, as well as being egomaniacal during the weekdays, only to be completely burned come Friday and needing the weekend to recuperate), just wasn’t worth it.
I can’t quite figure out how others, who have so much more of an intensive experience with being bipolar than me, manage. A part of me thinks I’m being cocky thinking that I’be found some kind of “inner peace” (at least as much as possible) with my bipolarity, and that’s why I never (or at least have yet to) go off the deep end, but at the same time, seeing as how hard it is to control, could that really be case?
I do to some level still think that the preventive steps I took to try and subdue the roller coaster rides, did ensure to some level that I didn’t get worse than “necessary” though. And my parents. Always my parents. This is my love letter to then, because I would, despite any personal preventive steps, have a managed it quite as well if it hadn’t been for them. They are the reason I work with caregivers. I know how important they are. I was lucky enough to get amazing parents, but seeing as how important caregivers are, I also know how much damage that could’ve been made if they hadn’t been. That’s my second saving grace I guess. That’s why I want parents and partners to know how important they are, and that’s why I want to help them manage the really difficult cases, because dealing with us crazies just isn’t that easy (if nothing else, we cause a lot of worry) 🙂
I leave you with this link from the good men project: