The winter jacket has been replaced the thinnest “jacket” I got, which I end up using only for the morning chill on my way to work. What a difference it makes to my mood that it’s getting warmer again. The mornings don’t feel quite as evil as they have during the dark and arduous winter days… It’s obvious by the way friends seem more open to meeting up and doing things that everyone has more energy (or maybe it’s me that’s takes more initiative?), that I’m not the only one who thinks that the coming days are the best days of the years!
I did something that I promised myself that I would do last summer, just to challenge myself, and to give myself a goal for the training; I signed up for the one-mile run next month. Maybe not big deal for most runners out there, but considering that I could barely run 100 meters just last summer, and the fact that I can run 7 km now (at least, if my body is in exactly the right mood), tells me that I’ve come quite far. These are the kinds of things I have to remember to give myself some kudo points for, which is also the reason for why I have a category in the top menu called “kudos”. It’s hard to remember these kind of things when I feel like I don’t do anything with myself, and that all of us are pretty awesome for doing what we do, despite the shit that goes on in our heads that can make us feel so alone. At least that’s what I tell myself, when I feel pretty good about life, like I’ve been doing the past few days. Maybe it’s the pills making stabilising me, who knows.
You know, going through all the blog posts I’ve written I’ve noticed three things.
1) Since taking the pills I have been hopefully attributing my good days to the pills. Hoping that the pills are the reason for my good moods, and not an oncoming mania.
2) I was extremely manic last half year, it’s no wonder I finally decided that I needed get medicated.
3) I seem to have gotten this idea that I somehow am healed, or figured out how to stabilise myself, but reading through the posts, and seeing how I’ve been for the past half year I don’t see how that could be. Was my theory that I would be doing so much worse if I hadn’t used the little tricks that I’ve learnt over the years? It’s hard to believe, seeing as I feel so stable now a days *for whatever reasons), that it seems exhausting to always be swinging back and forth the way I did not so long ago.