These constant ups and downs I’m having are taking control to such a point that I don’t even recognise myself in my private life anymore. It’s almost as the Maina that I know, the Maina that is so much more that such a sulky depressive struggling to do normal things, just doesn’t exist in my private life anymore. And I’m not sure what to do about it.
I mean, how enjoyable is it to be married to someone who is constantly passive, doesn’t want to plan anything, not interested in anything other than just sitting and watching movies and series? …Especially when you yourself is at the height of creating ones own business, where one can meet interesting people, find new possibilities and keeps one activated?
What are my choices? Lets see:
1. Ask to work less hours, and thus make less money
2. Quit my job and find something else that doesn’t demand quite as much from me (what that would be I have no idea)
3. Stay where I am, excel at what I am doing, but with the consequence that my marriage will break and without any friends.
Let me be clear. Björn has not complained. He just wants me to be happy and wants me well and I know that, but how much more of this will it take before he realises that he’s married to grey shadow of the woman that he married? The one that discusses, that argues, that smiles and laughs, that’s social and loves strange and new ideas of situations?
We’ve just booked a ticket to San Francisco and I’m not sure I’m looking forward to it. Rather, I’m afraid of how much of my energy it’s going to expel. That can’t be healthy, can it?